Jews, Gays, Canadians, Germans, and Brown People

"It looks like the Holocaust!"

The words came out of my mouth faster than I could think about them. Wait...let's go back just a few minutes.

For those of you who have had the CPR videos before with the REALLY bad acting and REALLY dramatic, yet strangely calm, situations acted out on video, you know what I'm talking about. We had to watch the AED video today which involved the lifeguard dramatically saying (to nobody in the video), "Stand Back!" as the AED was getting ready to shock the patient. While saying this he dramatically puts his hand out with a flat palm, as in saying STOP, and then panning his opened palm across the room. In a nutshell...it looks ridiculous.

So we practiced in groups of three. It was my turn to demonstrate my vast knowledge of the AED (anybody who can understand English can use these things as it walks you through every simple step possible). It finally got to the part where the AED tells me in it's computer voice, "Stand back, analyzing heart rhythm." This is the part in the movie where the lifeguard dramatically pans his hand across the room....so I did that. I put out my palm as if to stop a vast crowd from surrounding my patient and then slowly panned it across the room.

Granted, I don't really know anybody in my class as I don't make it a point to really talk to any of them so they haven't come to appreciate how hilarious I can be at times. I'll give them that, but not only did I not get any kind of laughter or giggles even, I had to explain that I was just imitating how dramatic the video was to ward off the strange looks that I was getting from a room full of 19-year-olds who think they are hot poo. Whatever. I thought it was funny.

So then we were doing two person bag valve CPR on adults. We have adult, child, and infant dummies to work on. As we weren't working on the adult or children, we pushed them aside into a group. The girl next to me pipes up with, "Look!! It's a mom and dad with their kid!" Then I slid our child over there. "Look! They have twin children..blah blah blah." This girl carries on for what seems like an eternity...at least to the point where I wanted to claw my eyeballs out from sheer annoyance. As it's a CPR class and the likelihood of finding a whole bunch of people lying on the floor like that in this business and still being alive is rare I pipe up with, "It's like the Holocaust!" Ha ha, I'm so funny I'm thinking to myself until I realize that my partner that day is a foreign exchange student from...Germany. Awkward. Needless to say, my comment was met with even less laughter than my dramatic arm panning done earlier.

Have I mentioned that I seem to be a little bit insensitive to other cultures? It's not on purpose generally, I just don't think before I speak sometimes. In the last two months I know I have offended a Puerto Rican, a gay, possibly some Canadians, and now a German. I don't know why I can't control my mouth. I don't even like history. Why do I use words like Holocaust?

Just so I don't feel alone in this, I stumbled upon this video on YouTube tonight. This guy seems to have the same problem I do, He speaks what he thinks at the moment.