Tales from the (Pool) Deck

Spinal injuries-not fun for anyone involved. Tedious work to immobilize the victim and extract them from the water, especially if it is a real incident.

We were split up into four groups, three working with backboards, one working on deep water spinal injury stabilization and retrieving to the side of the pool. They number us off...1,2,3...1,2,3...oh crap, there are supposed to be four groups. Numbering is wrong. "Fine...you three go with Cheryl. Everyone else, split up into three groups with the backboards."

Us three? Me, Heather, and nice German exchange student?? We were all standing together. Whoops, nope. Me, Heather, and giant "your mascara is smearing" boy. Yay! I'm excited already. The smallest girls in the class paired together with the largest boy in the class, trying to extract him from the pool. Help us all.

My thoughts were racing as we walked over to Cheryl and the deep side of the pool. "I should be nice to this guy. I mean if Mule and BoySmile were so hard on me for blogging about this guy, I should give him a chance just so I can say I did." I'm not lying. Those thoughts passed through my head. I need to give this guy a chance.

We introduced ourselves and proceeded to rescue each other. Mascara boy rescued me first. For spinal stabilization one hand is placed on the back of the head, and the forearm is placed on the sternum vertically up the chest with the hand resting on the zygomatic arch of the face.

It is somewhat uncomfortable for me to have a strange large boy with his arm on my chest. I'm not going to lie. But, it's all in the name of learning...right? Bleh. Then Heather rescues me. Then it's my turn. The victim?? Mascara boy. His head goes face down in the water and as he's floating there I ask the WSI student, "If this happens in real life and there is a person this BIG is it okay to ask another lifeguard over to help you turn him over?" I'm not sure if I have lost any sense of censoring myself at all or if I have Tourette's. Either way, I learned that it is definitely okay to ask someone to get into the water with you to turn the person over. Good to know.

He breathes. I swim over, place my hands in what I think are the right positions, and with everything that I have, I swim under him supporting his face and head, and successfully turn his body over. Yay for me! I was impressed with my skills. It was much easier than I thought it would have been. He however, thought it was subpar. This is where I quit trying to be his friend.

He then proceeds to tell me that I didn't have my hand in the right place on his chest. Really? In order for me to get my hand and forearm over his sternum, I would have to vigorously press my body up to him just to get my arm around his pregnant man boob to get near his sternum. I'm not picking on fat people here. Don't get me wrong. What I'm saying here is that all that was separating his manboob from my body pressed tightly up to his, was a tiny piece of spandex swimming suit. Ew. I'm not into that. I like my space.

If he were really drowning, it would be a different story. Since he was fully conscious, I slightly adjusted and then released him without swimming him to the side of the pool. I was done.

Our friendship slowly deteriorated throughout the rest of the two hour period as I went from courtesy laughing at his cheesy jokes, to being completely annoyed with him being a know-it-all and even talking over the teachers telling me what to do...and it was incorrect! We probably weren't meant to be friends. I decided that today. Call it what you want. Call me an insecure fatty hater, but it is what it is. I don't like people telling me what to do when they aren't the teacher. I'm there to learn...the right things.

As for our friendship, I don't think it will continue. As fun as he is to be around, constantly critiquing and criticizing, the pseudo-friendship that we had for five minutes today, will probably end in about three weeks.

I can't wait.