The Chucktatorship of Texas

Browsing the news on CNN.com, I came across this headline.

Ticker: Texas could secede from nation?

Interesting. This really doesn't surprise me as ever since I have moved here I feel like I'm in another country. One all of it's own. One where small children have never been to another state before. One where rich people actually think that they are living high on the horse to have the best waterfront property for such a cheap price (because they are living on the oceans' second largest dead spot in the world. Ew.) and that going to the beach and having e-coli warnings is completely normal for kids to play in the water. A place where people go their whole lives without snow and the digital signs on the freeway read, "Hurricane season. Fill up your gas tank." These things are not normal in any other place in the world...except Texas. I have yet to think of another state that turns their state flag into a pair of running shorts, 2/4ths of which are white and when sweat accumulates on them, they turn see-through....and this is ALL OKAY HERE.

The sad part is that at first it all seems so funny. The peculiarities of living in this very abnormal state. But then depression sinks in and nothing is funny anymore. There is no one to share the peculiarities with that think they are funny, and then you are left here, all alone not amused at these strange Texas sightings.

Granted, I have found a few things to appreciate. I really can't complain and the thing that keeps me sane is to think of it as an adventure....one that I won't ever take again. So to appreciate it all.

The real kicker for me in the CNN article is the person who might become president of the Country of Texas. Chuck Norris.

These are the reasons that this man would make a good president for this new Country of Texas:

# When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

# Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

# There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

# Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

# Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

#

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
# Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

# Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

# There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

# When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

# Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

# Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

# Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

# Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

# Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

# Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

# Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

# Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.