Life Lessons in Drama (Girl)

WARNING: This might be slightly long...but well worth the reading. I hope. It sure was hilarious in real life.

Lifeguards. A breed of their own.

I've searched and searched through the book and I can't find the chapter where they teach us about the snotty, bossy attitude part that lifeguards seem to have. Hmmm....I might be missing something. Let me expound on this a bit.

WSI students and us have the same class. The WSI students are learning how to teach and to learn how to teach they actually do teach us, in front of the two real instructors, to learn the proper way to teach.

Okay. So the first of three sections to this blog.

1: THE RELAY

We did a lifeguard relay. This consisted of us splitting into two groups and the relay part was doing a stride jump into the pool (of which I still cannot master without going underwater), swimming with the red flotation device under our armpits like we are going out for a save the length of the pool (50 meters), and then swimming back, head up, flotation device behind us. There were two WSI students at the other end of the pool to make sure that we tagged the wall before turning around. I was third in line out of four.

The relay started out fairly even, then we got ahead a bit. It came to my turn and I jump in doing a horrible stride jump, but regardless got my swim on for the 50 meters across the pool. Literally 25 meters out the WSI student starts talking to me...as if I can hear her. I'm in the middle of the pool with people yelling, "Faster! Faster! Good job!" and water splashing all around. I thought something was wrong. I said, "Are you talking to me?" She is dramatically motioning something to me about the flotation device. ??? I have no idea what is going on. I get closer and she says to me, "Center the tube or you are going to lose it!"

Pause. I have no problem learning or being told that I'm doing something wrong and told how to correctly do whatever it may be that I'm doing wrong. However I was very confused by this girl because the "tube" was centered. She was exasperated with me that I wasn't doing what she requested....in the middle of a relay. I moved the tube 2 cm...literally. It shut her up. I tagged the wall and swam back. We won.

2: THE LIFE RING SAVE
The two different groups split up into pole saving and life ring saving. The dramatic girl was working with the pole saving people. We were doing the life ring saving first. Thank goodness. She's strange.

I was having trouble getting my life ring out far enough to my partner so after I had "saved" her a few times I practiced throwing the ring off the deck to see if I could get it to go farther. This helped me. The last time I threw it out though, from across the pool, which is a long distance, this dramatic girl yells at me. She then comes sprinting down the side of the pool making all sorts of hand motions towards me. I was completely confused. I felt like I was 9-years-old again and had done something wrong at the pool when the lifeguard yells at you. She dives baywatch style (and I don't mean she had the Baywatch body by any means, just that it was dramatic and in slow motion) into the water and swims over to where I have put the life ring away. "Throw it out." She says to me. Okay. I drop the life ring into the water where she is right in front of me. She pulls violently on it. I stand there wondering what she is trying to do. I think she was trying to pull me into the water to make a point. Strange. She didn't succeed. "Let the rope out!!! Let the rope out!!" This is all spoken in very quick, dramatic tones. I let the rest of the rope out and she swims with the life ring out into the pool. As per protocol, I'm standing with my foot anchoring the rope to the deck so we don't lose it into the pool. There is a rubber flotation device on the end of the rope so it doesn't sink should it accidentally fall into the pool. This girl keeps pulling and pulling on the rope and I'm getting rope burn on my foot because she is trying to get me to fall into the water. I pick my foot up......

The flotation device and rest of the rope go flying out to where this girl is. I laugh. Apparently she didn't think it was as funny as I did. "SEE!! SEE!! This is why you should keep your foot on the rope!" She says to me and then she lectures me on how I could lose my victim if that were to happen. One of the other WSI students were standing there and I said, "I did have my foot on it, but I'm a little confused as to what she is doing as she didn't say anything to me and I was getting rope burn on my foot." No answer. Whatever WSI students. During her lecture this girl swims back towards the edge of the pool and starts into the lecture on how I need to be constantly talking to my victim. Then she goes out and drowns herself so I can save her. (I wanted to drown her too, but I was trying to be the better man in the situation.) I throw her the life ring and it is about 2" away from her head. She refuses to grab it and continues to act panicked and drowning. I pull it in again and re-throw. I yell at her to grab the life ring and I will pull her in (have I mentioned that I hate the role playing thing, because I do). She gets to the side and starts lecturing me again. By this point in time I'm so confused as to what is going on. There was definitely a moment of awkward silence when she was done as I had a questioning look on my face. She then says to me, "I'm not trying to pick on you." Um, okay?? She swims away and I turn to my partner and say, "I'm so confused right now. I'm not really sure what that was all about." She says, "She's just being a bitch." Okay then. I'd have to agree at this point.

3: THE POLE RESCUE

We then went over to drama girls section of the pool to be taught how to do reaching assists. Drama girl and two other WSI students are working over there, but she is the one teaching it apparently. She starts out talking to us as if we are 1st graders. She finishes lecturing us as a group and then asks a question, something to the effect of, "and why would we want to do that?" Heather, my partner, turns to me, rolls her eyes, and we both burst out in laughter. You have got to be kidding me. This girl is so stupid.

As I had been struggling with my stride jump all day, one of the NICE WSI students commented on what I was doing wrong and how I could fix it. The next time I was up to save my partner, before I jumped in the water, I asked him, "Can you tell me what you told me earlier so that I can do this right?" He nicely takes the time to explain to me again what I was doing and how to correct it. While he is politely doing this, Nazi drama girl gets in my face and says, "ARE YOU JUST GOING TO LET HIM DROWN OUT THERE!!!!" It was loud. Too loud. She was too close to me. By this point in time I had no problem letting her know to back off. I replied with, "Look, I'm talking to him (pointing) right now and he is explaining to me how to correctly do a stride jump. Chris (my partner) is not actually drowning out there right now and I think he can wait the 30 seconds it takes for me to do this correctly so that when I'm actually in the situation, I will know how to do it. STOP." Dang it girl. Don't make me take you out and teach you a life lesson right now.

Very long story short, this girl is exactly what my partner called her. I have no problem getting in someones face if they get in mine. I have no idea where this girl came from or where she found the chapter in the book that says Bitch101, but I can't wait to see how tomorrow goes. Ugg...have I mentioned that I don't like the lifeguard mentality? The ONLY reason I'm doing this is so that I can be available for races and whatnot. Not to work in some lame pool doing a job that some highschooler who thinks they are the shiznit, has done for five years.

That's it. I have to give out the disclosure that, much like my imitation of Ironman GI distress, this is much funnier if I act it out in person.